Friday, July 30, 2010

Well, are you?

Have you noticed the ever-present trend in girls' shirts and facebook statuses? A strong, steady number reiterate some variation of the sentiments "I deserve it" or "I'm worth it," as though they just viewed a make-up ad or ate Dove chocolate? It's a marketing ploy and, younger ladies in particular, we seem to have bought it. Gobbled it up. American women--I can't speak for other cultures--tote an enormous expectation for the world to deliver perfection while we simply exist. Perhaps you work hard and you're reaping the benefits of that. Fantastic. Keep it up. However, it's often best to balance the message of "I deserve it" with the question, "Based on what?"

Specifically, these claims to entitlement include some reference to Prince Charming or Mr. Darcy. Perhaps it's the Disney effect or something in the water, but I'm more inclined to believe it's a manifestation of an eternal mantra claiming we deserve the best for being who we are, no questions asked. Have you ever noticed, though, in a film or a novel, the girl who ends up with fantastic guy is no slouch herself? (And I'm not talking Twilight--Bella and Edward are both unstable. We'll leave it there...) She is ok on her own. Sure, she dreams of someone to share a life with her, but she has taken time to cultivate a heart worth capturing. She's selfless. She's sympathetic. She's strong, either quietly or outright. She disciplines her mind to understand her surrounding world. She has something worth discussing for each conversation. She's open to new ideas and methods and is willing to test them. She's doesn't make a spectacle of herself. Do you see where I'm headed? Ladies, we cannot expect a man of Darcy's character and intelligence to sweep us off our feet if we haven't disciplined our minds and hearts to reflect something worth pursuing. He will not want a needy, lazy, or vapid woman by his side. Work on yourself first. Continually educate, improve, work. Don't stagnate. Be confident.

By all means do not try to be something you're not--be yourself. But do not expect a perfect man if you have no initiative to improve or ability to stand firmly without him. Keep practicing after you're in your ideal situation. Remember, even the seemingly perfect man is just as human as you. You will disappoint each other. If you've made him your world, what will you fall back on when he falters? It may work in the context of woman to chocolate, but constant, unrelenting love and acceptance is not a one-way right for being yourself human to human. We have to work at it. Don't assume.

So ask yourself, in this context, are you worth it? I'll keep asking myself the same.

**Please remember I'm in no way saying I'm a role model at this or that you're worthless or any other like extreme.

***There's only one relationship from which you can expect unconditional love and peace from simply resting in that love. And it's not with a person living anywhere on earth.

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